Here's your chance to pick the brain of the man himself! Use the webform below to submit your questions and Hank will pick some of the best selections out of his digital grab-bag to be featured on this page. Please note that "A/S/L" or "do u cyber?" are not valid questions and will be ignored.
August 16, 2025
You are late. We await. Have you forgotten the date? The estate can no longer commiserate, and patience begins to abate. I wish to renegotiate. BTW my floppy disk machine broke, how do I fix it? I don't like calling Radio Shack.
Leland Ronald Hubbard Jr.
Principality of Sealand, somewhere off the coast of Western Europe (allegedly)
Please forgive me! Time has passed quickly.. though the new eps will be nifty, if you'll just bear with me. As for your mechanical storage quandary, I'm compelled to draw on my Boy Scout training and encourage you to "be prepared!" to stock up on a wide variety of replacement components, as we all know they're becoming harder and harder to find nowadays. For example, I recommend stealing an RC car from a small child if you find your disk drive motor is no longer functional, or preparing for broken drive belts by stuffing a large package of rubber bands down the front of your trousers and walking out of your local dollar store.
February 20, 2024
Hello Mr. Chorkin. How are you? I only get so much allowance a week and try to carefully choose the software I will buy from the pharmacy shop that my grandfather visits every Saturday. Please help me by reviewing the following titles or recommending similar based on the fact that I think robots and rabbits are cool: Short Circuit, produced by Ocean Software and Samurai Warrior: The Battles of Usagi Yojimbo, produced by Beam Software. I am 9 years old.
Elijah Hogswaith
Humptulips, Washington
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January 22, 2024
Guten Tag Hänk. Long Time no see my Friend, since we met on that Utility Pole Enthusiast BBS around 1988 or so (I forget the Name. I hope your Mind has stayed sharper than mine!) I was aimlessly surfing the Web, as they say, and imagine my Surprise when I stumble upon my old Pal Hänk's Website!
Are you still collecting Glass Insulators? I have a Collection you may find quite fascinating, and the Wife says I can't bring any more Home until I get rid of some! Looking forward to your Reply.
Helmut Bauerschmitt
Sturttgart
I apologize, Mr. Bauerschmitt, but this may actually be a case of mistaken identity. I believe you are confusing me with another Hank Chorkin of Oblong, Illinois, who was well known in the USENET retro-hydroelectric utility scene. I do emphasize with your plight, however, having once had hot coffee thrown in my eyes by my second bride after she discovered I had run up a 2700 dollar phone bill calling the US Gold Game Masters Hotline.
January 19, 2024
Hello Hank. My grandson insists I could incorporate his Commodore 64 into a worship presentation for our congregation. I am skeptical but intrigued.
Are there a range of biblical melodies available anywhere that could be placed on this machine? Or is my grandchild pitching something potentially beyond what this computer could deliver?
Rev. Plissy Hogswaith
No Fixed Address
Greetings, your holiness! I would either search out the 1986 cassette release of "Matthew, Mark, Luke, and Jack Tramiel" by Faith Bit Productions, or "10 INPUT A$, 20 GOTO HEAVEN" by the Latter-Day Opportunists. While you're at it, you may also wish to look into kernel ROM modifications that act as a machine language monitor and prevent the SID chip from playing diminished 5th intervals, as has been forbidden by the church for centuries to avoid summoning undesired hellspawn. With a little foresight and ingenuity, you'll be ensuring the salvation of your flock and imbuing your sermons with a dash of electronic hymnal bliss!
January 18, 2024
Dear Hank:
What is your Wi-Fi password?
H. Ackerman
Parts Unknown, Delaware
It's a trick question! Being a seasoned vintage computer user, old Hank is aware of both the physical dangers and potentially legally infringing nature of wireless RF transmissions. I ensure all of my electronic devices are adequately tested for interference, have covered my entire house in aluminum Faraday shielding, and limit my data connections to either RJ-11 twisted pair or 10Base2 coaxial cable with the proper BNC T-style end terminators. My Wi-Fi password is luddite123, all lower-case.
January 17, 2024
Dear Hank:
Is it true that you only hate Gryzor because you don't have a friend to push the jump button for you?
Wario Discordia Jr.
Waterford, CT
False - I was able to hire a second player via the internet employment service Fiverr and invited him over to my house. We reached level 2 together and I cooked him a delicious pot roast as an added gratuity beyond his base rate. This doesn't change any opinions expressed in my previous review, and I still believe the game is awful.
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